Rant: Design trends and techniques you should avoid –…

I had one of those weeks. You know what I mean, one where every little thing just ticks you off to no end. This week I saw numerous designs that made my stomach churn and burn to the point that I wanted to vomit profusely.

Whatever you do, don’t let me catch you doing any of the following things, or I’ll sneak into your house and delete your internets, beotch!

• Stupid, overused, predictable, “stock photo-y” stock photos – You probably know what I’m talking about, and yet you use them anyway, right? Well friggin STOP! A bunch of ethnically-diverse yuppies dressed in 1980’s business attire doesn’t make your design look more professional. And neither does the infamous business handshake.
• 6pt type on your website – the trend died 10 years ago. It ticks me off, probably because I’m getting older and my eyes aren’t quite what they used to be. But I’m not alone. I promise you, not matter how cool you think it looks, it doesn’t – and everyone hates you for it.
• Screened image behind your text – In about 1989, it was kinda cool to screen a photo behind your entire ad and expect your viewer to accept that 10pt Times New Roman running across a fat guy wearing a black & gold striped shirt was eye-catching. Those people are dead now, real designers systematically killed them off while nobody was looking.
• Dots instead of dashes – here’s another one that’s not hip, cool or even remotely unique. Putting dots between the digits in a phone number is a trend that just won’t seem to die. There’s a reason they chose (100) 867-5309 to represent a phone number. It’s easier to read than 100.867.5309. Get over it! (Thanks Frank, for bringing this up on your Facebook page!)
• Drop shadows on everything – AlienSkin software introduced a simple plugin to add drop shadows to objects and type in Photoshop decades ago. While I love their software, I hate the way so many n00b designers abuse them. If you manage to limit yourself to using only one drop shadow on the cover of your next brochure design, for the love of God, please make sure it’s not on a white background.
• Filter-flurry – Photoshop filters are cool, I love-em dearly. I have dozens of effects filters, hundreds of PS Styles, and a boat-load of PS Actions installed – and still only manage to use them once in a blue-moon (which I actually have an Action file to create, by the way).
• 800×600 website design – Uh, I know you’re 800-year-old instructor in design school told you it was the “standard,” but he’s an ignorant buffoon who hasn’t worked in the business in decades. 800×600 web design was the standard when most people had a 13-15 inch CRT monitor caving-in their desktop. Today, 20-inch LCD screens are the norm, so a 960 to 1100 pixel design width is easily handled by everyone in business, right down to your granny’s crappy little $300 Dell.
• Grey text – So you agree that 6pt type is too small, but you somehow come to the conclusion that 12pt condensed type set in 20% black is the way to go? Gimme a friggin break. Do you WANT people to read it or NOT? At least go with a 40-60% black for crying out loud.
• Not giving the viewer what’s expected – Ok, this is a really fine line. But learn to accept the fact that if you’re selling wood deck stain or sealer, rain drops on a blue background isn’t going to frigging cut it. You’re most likely going to have to put a photo of a impossibly beautiful wood deck in a lush green backyard in the ad. Oh, and make sure you sprinkle the deck down with water first.

Those are just a few things that will surely tick me off, and most likely your viewers as well. Did I miss anything?