Rant: Shut the f#ck up about iOS widgets already, and everything else, too!

I don’t think I’ve posted a rant here at The Graphic Mac in a long time, but this past week I was reading a few iOS-related articles, and the subsequent comments by readers, and was carpet bombed with stupid frigging comments that have forced me to go off.

The one thing in common with most articles and their comments are the basement-dwelling booger eaters that feel compelled to compare the lack of [insert some stupid god damn feature here] on iOS that has been available on Android for years.

One of the topics always seems to be Apple and its ‘walled-garden’ approach to not allowing you to cure freaking cancer and run Adobe Photoshop in the Notification Center with a widget. Apparently, Android users simply must have the god damn train schedule for every subway system in the country show up in Notification Center or they’ll simply get lost going from the basement of mom’s house to the bagel shop 3-door down on the right. Heard enough? Too bad, here’s more

If you’re an iPhone user, it is also inconceivable to make it through your day without seeing the full details of all 758 reminders you have set up every day for things like, wake up, go to work, take a lunch, go home, and root your stupid frigging phone OS for the 213th time. You’re also left out in the (literal) cold because you can’t see weather radar that is updated in real time. And for the love of god, how the hell can you be expected to function without a full-featured word processor, spreadsheet and scientific calculator available next to your ‘don’t forget to breath’ reminder?

Removable batteries (with 147 hour battery life), SD card slots, curved screens, and pixel-perfect streetview flyovers of every hooker-infested alley in the most remote town in America. They’re all missing on iPhone. And it’s apparently the end of the world, or at least the end of Apple.

Look, I realize that Apple sometimes leaves out simple little features that would be nice to have. But the reality is that the vast majority of the smartphone users in the world simply don’t need them. They don’t even know they don’t need them, because it never occurred to them that they could possibly want them, or that the feature even exists.

When you leave out the tech-geek bloggers, and the people like me (and probably you) that read these articles on tech sites, you would be hard pressed to find anyone who craves what most of these writers think is a must-have feature. But if you read the comments left by readers, they make it seem as though everyone on the planet has such a complicated life that they would be lost without every doodad available on Android.

It’s simply frigging mind-blowing to me that so many mouth-breathers out there care enough about what kind of phone someone on the other side of the world uses. The fact that they’ll take the time to leave comments berating someone because they don’t see the need to have every app on their phone available to use on the god damn lock screen approaches the comically absurd.

My advice to you, dear reader, is to not make the same mistake I do (over and over). Don’t read the comments section on articles about the iPhone and iOS on tech blogs. You live a happier, more stable life if you don’t.